"Empty me of the selfishness inside, every vain ambition, and the poison of my pride..."

I've become very bitter, stubborn, vain.
The anger that's welled up inside will kill me one day.
I've told myself I'd stop blaming everyone else and thinking horrible thoughts about others, but apparently that only yields self-deprecation.
I desperately need to talk to my parents, but there's not enough time.
If I don't fix this now, I won't last a semester in college.

I'm so upset ALL THE TIME.
I need help, but again, I want to do this on my own.
The help I need to receive seems to completely undermine my own slow progress.
I really don't know what to do anymore.



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I am a weakling on an army for God.
I am the soldier who shrinks backward from the battlefield when war is impending.
I'm too scared to be on the front lines because I can't find an environment (that makes a HUGE effort to support ME) where being on his front lines is encouraged.
I'm afraid of everything.

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Who am I kidding? I'll never get into an Ivy...
I can't figure out simple physics and calculus; how in the world am I supposed to do it on my own in COLLEGE? No one will help me there; it's the land of independence! I'll be looked down on there.
I'm so screwed.

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I'm confused.
The people who are supposed to be my BEST FRIENDS are also my MORTAL ENEMIES.
I love them, but then again, I hate them, and vice versa.
We are opponents, but then again, we are also teammates.
We always agree, but then again, we also always disagree.
We are like brothers and sisters, but then we are like strangers to one another.
How can this be?
Why can't we have a relationship like in the movies, where everything is picture perfect and all the problems work themselves out?

Am I, a Christian, even supposed to HAVE mortal enemies? Or hate people?
I don't know anymore. God, I'm so confused.